They say the month of March comes in like a lion, so who better to preside over this month’s unholy aspects than the King of Hell himself? Without further ado, all hail Satan, the Demon of March and our very esteemed Monster of the Week.
If you like this depiction, stick around to the end of the post…
Origins of Satan
Easy, right? We all know Satan as the Bible’s big bad. After leading a failed rebellion against God, he was cast out of heaven into the pits and has spent the last couple thousand years making trouble for us poor mortals in this life and the nice. Moving on.
Ah, not so fast…
It seems like everyone and their mother has an opinion on who and what Satan is. Some say he and Lucifer are the same person, some say they’re two totally different beings. Some say he’s not really evil, but that he’s simply been appointed as a representative for the opposing viewpoint, hence his title of The Adversary. Other accounts roll him in with not just Lucifer, but Beezlebub, Mephistopheles, and more. From the theologians to the scholars to the Redditors, the argument is as all-encompassing as it is exhausting. Especially since, let’s be honest, no one will ever know for sure–not while it still matters to the rest of us, anyway.
So I propose we think of Satan as both one being with many names and as an umbrella conglomerate encompassing all his alternate personalities, subordinates, shell corporations, LLCs, 501(c)3s, and any other legal and non-legal entity he may embody or represent. In short, he is Satan, and they are he. It’s a collective consciousness. A hive mind. This is Infernal Industries Incorporated, where Mr. S is not just the Chairman of the Board–he is every seat at the table.
Powers and Abilities
When you break it down, Satan is really just a djinn with a good PR plan. Sure, he can grant your deepest, darkest desires. So could the genie in Aladdin if you asked him to. But while most of your garden variety djinn operate on an economy of scarcity (three wishes), Satan goes all in on perceived value. His shit is so amazing, the only possible thing that could match it is your soul. Your one and only ticket to paradise and life eternal. That’s what he’s promising: an earthly prize that’s as good as–nay, better than–unending bliss in the hereafter.
In other words, Satan is your standard $700 Gucci T-shirt: looks good, but not actually worth the price.
Defeating Satan
If you believe the Bible (which I’m told a lot of people do), there isn’t really any defeating Satan. God already did that during the war for heaven, and Jesus will do so again during the Revelation. All we can do is resist his temptation and wait in joyful hope for the second coming of Christ and the end of the world as we know it.
Ugh, bor-ing!
I mean, don’t get me wrong, there’s no shame in taking a laidback approach. But I’ve always been the proactive type, which means I’m drawn much more to the fictional Satanic depictions and defeats than I am to “reality.”. Which is why the rest of this article will be dedicated to All My Favorite Satans™ as depicted on the canvas, page, screen, and song.
The Best Satan in Every Art Form
Painting
The Garden of Earthly Delights by Hieronymous Bosch (c. 1500)
This bird mouse that is simultaneously eating and defecating the souls of sinners isn’t named as Satan perse. But between the weird-ass crown and the weird-ass throne, he’s clearly a king. Who else could it be? I mean, other than Lucifer, Mephistophales, Beelzebub, the Antichrist…
(fade to silence)
Books
This is a little embarrassing, but…the only somewhat fitting book that comes to mind is Good Omens, and I honestly don’t remember Satan proper in that book. Lots of other reps from the I3 appear, but he doesn’t stand out.
However–I’ve heard tell that Satan’s appearance in The Master and Margarita is quite good, and as it happens, that’s up next up on my TBR. Which means I’m kicking this entry down the road and will report back when I’m done reading.
Fun Fact Alert! Rumor has it TM&M may have inspired the song “Sympathy for the Devil” by The Rolling Stones, which was just barely missed becoming my selection for Best Representation of Satan in Music™. To see what did make the cut, keep reading.
Film
Al Pacino, The Devil’s Advocate (1997)
We’ve all seen this one, right? Keanu Reeves, lawyer with a questionable Southern accent, lands a job at a fancy New York law firm. The senior partner, who later turns out to be Satan and (spoilers) his father, takes him under his wing/ruins his life.
Yeah, it’s not great. But giving Al Pacino the opportunity to go full evil is too fun no matter how bad the premise may be.
Television
Ray Wise, Reaper (2007)
We’ve all seen this one too, right?
Okay, don’t answer that. But we all should have seen it. It’s a half hour comedy about two aimless slackers who work at a Lowe’s-like home improvement store while battling the supernatural, produced by the one and only Kevin Smith.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. But remember, this is mid-2000s Kevin Smith. Good Kevin Smith. You know, not…not great, but still pretty entertaining. And Reaper was freaking excellent.
The story takes off when, one day, one of these aforementioned slackers finds out that his parents promised him to the devil when he was a baby, and now must pay the debt by reaping souls that have escaped from hell using everyday household items (like, for example, a Dustbuster). If that’s not enough of a sell, you’ve got Ray Wise (Twin Peaks) in the role of “the Devil,” which is generic enough to fall into Infernal Industries Inc territory. For my money, he’s every bit as good as Al Pacino in The Devil’s Advocate.
Take that how you will.
Stage
Doctor Faustus by Christopher Marlowe (c. 1592)
As is the case with Reaper, the malevolent presence in Marlowe’s play is not named as Satan. He is, in fact, Mephistopheles, who is not only a card-carrying member of I-3, he toes the company line like a champ: offer the man his every desire in exchange for his soul, then sit back and let the games begin.
Yes, plenty of Satanic specimens have tread (trod? trode? tredded?) the boards in the centuries since Marlowe’s heyday. But sometimes, you just can’t beat a classic.
Music
“War Pigs” by Black Sabbath (1970)
There’s nothing I can say here that bests the lyrics themselves:
Politicians hide themselves away
They only started the war
Why should they go out to fight?
They leave that role to the poor, yeahTime will tell on their power minds
Making war just for fun
Treating people just like pawns in chess
Wait till their judgement day comes
And then, in the end:
Day of judgement, God is calling
On their knees, the war pigs crawling
Begging mercy for their sins
Satan laughing, spreads his wings
Hahaha…yeah. Maybe someday.
Now then…I believe I promised you more Sexy Satan pics. And since I KNOW you read that whole article (riiiight?), allow me to present —
My Satanic Art Gallery
Hm, there’s probably a better way to say that.
Eh, whatever. Enjoy!
Click image to expand.
Sources
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Garden_of_Earthly_Delights
- https://www.dictionary.com/compare-words/lucifer-vs-satan
- https://www.reddit.com/r/AcademicBiblical/comments/jq7zto/are_satan_and_lucifer_the_same/
- https://www.monstropedia.org/index.php?title=Satan
